Being a parent is already stressful. Combine that with the emotional strain of a divorce, and parenting can be a nightmare. How can you communicate and co-parent while thoughts of your ex bring feelings of anger and sadness to the surface? What happens when you have a difficult or narcissistic ex that you have to co-parent with? The truth is it won’t be easy. It will take a lot of patience and a lot of work. As a divorce counselor in Denver, we know the struggles that couples go through post-divorce. But if you and your ex can get to a place of successful co-parenting, it will improve the lives of your children tremendously. While there is no simple check-list on how to successfully co-parent, here’s a few strategies that you can implement in your parenting relationship with your ex.

Communication is Key

It is essential to be able to communicate with each other in order to effectively co-parent. Even if communication was a struggle during your marriage, there will need to be some sort of talking in order to figure out plans and strategies for parenting together.  Try to have open dialogue where each party can have their own opinion. Also, remember to update often, no matter how painful it may be. If your ex is hostile towards you, or believes that all your opinions are wrong, communication gets that more difficult. If this is the case, try different strategies like emailing, or an app where you can communicate under supervision and documentation. You can also meet with a counselor. At In Sight Counseling in particular, we help give individuals skills and techniques to deal with a difficult ex, especially during co-parenting after a divorce.

Problem Solve

One way that co-parents can have successful communication is by deciding how to problem solve. Psychology Today offers two styles of problem solving—strategic problem solving and social-psychological problem solving. Strategic problem solving can be easier for parents because it focuses on remaining in control, staying unemotional, and coming up with viable solutions. On the other hand, social psychological problem solving consists of looking at the attitudes and values behind each decision; however, this strategy, while more likely to happen, can cause more disagreements.

Consider Co-Parenting Counseling

There is no guidebook for post-divorce life with children. Enrolling in co-parenting counseling can help give you the direction that you need in order to successfully parent your children alongside your ex. You can come yourself, especially if your ex is unwilling to cooperate, or both of you can come in together to learn how to talk and problem solve with each other when it comes to making choices about your children.

Handle Disagreements Respectfully

When disagreements do arise, handling them calmly and with respect, no matter the feelings inside, gives kids a good example. First and foremost, never have disagreements in front of the kids. Even if you disagree with what your ex is doing, ask them quietly to talk with you somewhere else. Additionally, when you disagree about parenting, focus only on parenting in the conversation. It can be easy to bring up past mistakes, but in order to co-parent well, keep the discussion only about parenting

Create a plan

In order to prevent disagreements, create a parenting plan with your ex so that each party understands the guidelines. A counselor can also help you do this. You may have to compromise on some things, but this is okay. Once you both agree with the fundamentals on parenting, write it down so that no one misunderstands. Having a plan is incredibly important because kids need consistency. If their life changes drastically every time they switch parents, kids can become anxious. Along these lines, try to make the plan as close to the kids’ lives before the divorce, as much as possible.

Develop a support system

Instead of venting to your kids or letting the emotions explode at your ex, find people you can trust to talk through your emotions. This could be relatives or close friends. Another option is a counselor. The advantage to having a counselor is that they know all about divorce and co-parenting, and they can help with strategies. No matter who it is, find someone who will listen. You can’t be there for your kids if you aren’t handling your own thoughts and feelings.

Divorce and co-parenting isn’t easy, but you can get through this! If you are looking for someone who can help you navigate life and parenting after divorce, contact In Sight Counseling. We specialize in co-parent counseling in Denver, and we can help give you the skills and tools to work with your ex (no matter how difficult they may be) and find a better balance in your kid’s lives. Contact us today for a free consultation!

In Sight Counseling Connections

303-264-9598

1777 S. Harrison St, Ste. 1200,

Denver, CO 80210