It’s no doubt that divorce affects families in many significant ways. What we understand about our own divorce, however, our children can have a harder time grasping the concept that their parents are separating. Explaining divorce to a child is difficult, but the way you talk about your divorce can actually help with the long-term healing process for your kids. As a divorce counselor in Denver, we help families navigate this challenging time, including the moment when you first announce your separation to the family. That’s why we’ve put together our best advice for how to talk to kids about divorce.

Have a Plan

Like any difficult conversation, knowing what you want to say beforehand can make the process go much smoother. Having the words ready will make you feel at least somewhat prepared. Think about how to word your explanation, along with how to respond to questions your kids might have. It might also help to decide which parts you or your ex will say. Finally, when planning keep in mind the timing and the setting of the conversation. Have your kids sit down in a familiar place in the house, and have both parents present.

Tell Your Kids Together

During this major life change, it is so important to do this together with your ex. Even though it might be difficult, showing your kids a united front is the best way to go about this topic. It will help your children to see that both parents were involved in the decision, and that it is for the good of the family. Try to use the word “we”, even if the divorce isn’t a joint situation. You can say things like “We both love you very much, and that will never change. No matter what happens, we both will always be here for you.”

Be Honest

Even though divorce is a very “adult” topic, it’s okay to be honest with your kids. Oftentimes they have seen the signs and know that this event is coming, especially if you have older children. Being untruthful with kids can make them feel like you don’t trust them, or that they aren’t responsible enough to handle the truth.

Even if you think the kids are too young to understand, you should still tell them in ways that they can process. You can say something like “Mom and Dad have been fighting a lot lately. We decided that it would best if we got a divorce.”  It’s important to find the blend of encouraging but honest. You can tell your kids “We won’t be married anymore, but we will always be your parents.”

Acknowledge Your Kids’ Feelings

After telling your kids, they might have very different reactions. Some kids may be angry or sad, while others might take time to consider. Whatever the emotions, legitimize your kids’ feelings by listening. Leave the conversation open for questions, and let them know that they can always come to you to talk. Check back in with your kids frequently to see how they are doing.

See a Family Counselor

If you notice that your kids are struggling with this decision, it might be beneficial to find a good counselor who specializes in divorce. If you notice that your child is suppressing their emotions or are experiencing a change in behavior that is not resolving itself with time (acting out in school, disinterest in friends or activities, long periods of anger or depression) it may be time to see a professional. Having someone un-biased to talk with your kids about what they are feeling can be both helpful and healing.

In Sight Counseling Connections

If you are looking for a qualified divorce counselor in Denver, contact us at In Sight Counseling Connections. We specialize in post-divorce therapy and can help you navigate this very dramatic life change. We can help you determine a course of action for telling your kids about divorce, and we can also talk about successful co-parenting strategies with your ex-spouse as the separation finalizes. If you think that we can help, give us a call. We offer free first consolations and have multiple office locations in the metro Denver area. Remember, you do not have to do this alone.