Holidays are always stressful, but this time of year can be especially difficult if you’re going through a divorce. What once might have been a season of family and celebration has turned into a time of life where you’re not sure where to go next. You might be thinking, “How do I tell my family about my divorce?” or “What arrangements do I need to make for my kids after divorce?”
Whether it is Thanksgiving, Passover, Hanukkah, Christmas, or New Year’s Eve, the holiday season can seem to last forever. That’s where we come in; as a divorce counselor in Denver, we offer post-divorce therapy and co-parenting counseling that can help you find the tools to survive the holidays yourself, while still making things as “normal” as possible for your children. Here are tips to take handle the holidays after divorce.
Plan In Advance
The best way to get through these difficult times is to plan ahead. If you don’t already, set a schedule with your ex in regards to the kids. For example, decide which home the children will spend on the date. You may have the kids on Christmas Eve and your ex-spouse may have them Christmas Day. This will lessen any confusion for the kids and give you the opportunity to create new traditions with the kids. Planning which day each parent gets to spend with the kids in advance will lessen stress and allow you to make plans for yourself on the days you don’t have your children with you.
Coordinate Gifts
It might get easy to caught up in the commercialism of the holidays and the nature of wanting superficial things, but you cannot buy your child’s love. The one-upmanship will just lead to tension and perhaps create a since of entitlement in your child that will be hard to reverse. Your ex may not feel that way, but you can still dedicate yourself to this ideal. Try your best to discuss number of gifts and spending limits, with your ex. Focus on activities and experiences this holiday season especially since time with your kiddos is now split.
Face the Family
The first holiday season after divorce is not only difficult for you, your ex-spouse, and kids but also for extended family. It is important to not isolate yourself and instead lean on your loved ones for support. You can set the tone of how you are doing and how much, or how little, you want to talk about the divorce. Enjoy your time together and focus on how holidays moving forward will hopefully be less tense. Discourage any conversations that talk badly about your ex-spouse and correct any misconceptions people may have so that rumors don’t fly. This is your narrative, so you can choose to discuss the details more privately with family members who need more explanation in order to move on from any connections they may have with your ex-spouse.
Take Care of Yourself
While it is important to focus on your kids and loved ones, you cannot fully take care of anyone else if you are not taking care of yourself. Focus on both your mental and physical health. Utilize the Denver area for all it has to offer and experience something new. Try volunteering to create new connections and provide a helping hand to others that may need it during this time. Don’t forget to utilize your support system during this time as well. You may start to feel down during the holidays especially when you don’t have your kids, so reach out to your loved ones or seek out a counseling service to help.
The first holiday season after divorce can be incredibly lonely, but you are not alone.
In Sight Counseling Connections is here to help you develop strategies and stick to plans in order to minimize stress this holiday season. As an experienced counselor in Denver, we can help you navigate through the emotional difficulties you may face during this time. Contact us for a free first phone consultation to see how we can work together to make the best out of a tough situation. Whether it is co-parenting, post divorce counseling, or any other specialty, the strategies we develop may help with many difficult moments you may face moving forward.